Back to school, back to living hell

Three days is all it took this time. Three days before "the phone call" informing us that, once again, my son has stepped out of line.

So, I went online seeking help... again. This time I got a few different returns. I'm not entirely sure if it's because I used different wording, or if it's because autism is beginning to run out of it's socially acceptable darling phase and the truth is finally starting to come into light. Whatever it is, I'm more than just a little scared right now.

One of the articles, I will admit, was specifically on Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD), and I'd like to give the woman who wrote it a piece of my mind. Basically, she admits to being a bad mother, and it was her husband, the boy's step-father, who stepped in, brought discipline, and fixed everything. "All you have to do is ask for help," she says. Well, 1) we've asked for help repeatedly, there is none to be had, 2) we've been through multiple parenting courses and they've all been a waste of time, and 3) there is no fixing this.

Or maybe our issue is that ODD is only one of the life altering afflictions we've had thrown at us.

My afternoon was supposed to be working on my next doll project. Instead, I've been reading one horror story after another about how boys with high functioning autism, like my son, have grown into violent young men who spend their entire lives doped into comas, strapped to a bed, or killed. Usually after killing someone- quite often their mothers. Now, it's not 100%, in fact most of the time it doesn't happen. Or at least that's what the autism cheerleaders want us to believe. I'm seriously starting to question that. And if his behavior does get worse, what then?

I'm sure most parents worry about the mistakes their children make, what sort of people they will grow into. Will they be happy, balanced, productive members of their community? I can only hope that my son won't physically attack anyone.

And I am so sick to death of hearing "ask for help." As a point of fact, two months ago we found ourselves in crisis, again. I call the doctor and requested an emergency appointment, I was in tears begging them to see us as soon as possible. It was still a week before we could see the nurse practitioner, it would be 2 months if we wanted to see the doctor. So I took my son to the appointment, and I was very clear about the issues we were facing. She was very clear that there was no help available. No pediatric psychologists that they worked with, no one to talk to about trying different meds, no one to talk to period. We are completely alone in this, and please don't waste their time.

So, the next person that suggests that "asking for help" will fix anything will get a lecture from me about how fucking evil and cruel the human race is.