My son was escorted out to the car today by his teacher. Yes, I felt like driving away as fast as I could before they could reach me.
We've been having a lot of difficulties lately, and yes, it's mostly my fault.
He's been taking risperdal since he was 5150'd and dragged off to a mental institution in the back of a cop car 2 years ago. We were so desperate for help that I didn't question the drug very much. That is, until he gained so much weight that I barely recognized him, became lazy, and honestly, it wasn't really helping the behavior very much. But no one would listen to me. I complained to more doctors than I care to admit to, begged for help, and usually left their offices in tears because no one would take my concerns seriously.
So I weaned him off the drug. It took several months of slowly lowering the dosage, but he's been off it for a few weeks. He's still taking prozac, though. But the calls from school are increasing. I don't know if it's because he was in a school that was little better than a mental institution and now he's in mainstream, or if it's because the medication was helping after all.
I started looking online for other medications, and I think I found one that I feel comfortable trying. I'm pissed that no one told me, or was aware, that risperdal should NOT be taken with prozac. It's one of the major drug interactions that the company warns against. Things like that are supposed to be caught by doctors, nurses, and pharmacists. Not one. Not one person cared enough to protect my little boy, and I failed to hold them accountable.
I'm so very tired. I don't want to fight anymore. It's just a loosing battle. Even when I know where the attack is coming from, I'm completely helpless against the onslaught.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Tis the season to go completely insane?
The last few days have been a whirl wind. Steve has taken every Friday off until the end of the year, and we're using that time to get some stuff done.
This Friday was a trip to Pedernales Falls. It was gorgeous. But we've had a lot of rain this week, so all the trails have been washed away. We weren't the only ones struggling to find our way back to the car park. One of Steve's photos.
Gorgeous.
And then on Saturday we went to the Austin Zoo. I don't have photos because we forgot the camera.
Now, here's the thing. I grew up in San Diego. I don't remember a time that my family didn't belong to the San Diego Zoo. My first job out of high school was working retail at the San Diego Zoo. A yearly membership for the Austin Zoo is the same cost of a single visit to the San Diego Zoo. San Diego, it takes upwards of 10 hours to see everything. And even then, you're probably going to miss out on a bunch. Austin? We spent 2 hours there, saw everything, and it probably took us a bit longer because I was giving the goats a scratch.
Funny thing is, I kind of liked the smaller zoo.
All of the animals in Austin are rescues. They're not leading any research or breeding the next generation, they're giving animals who had a pretty crappy start to life somewhere comfortable to live. It was sad seeing some of them. The male lion rescued from a junkyard in Alabama who was neutered so never grew a mane. The black leopard who... I don't know, but he couldn't walk very well. The capuchin who lost it's tail somehow. The entire pack of wolf hybrids, and the ones rejected by the pack, because people think having a "wolf" would be cool. Not to mention all the parrots from people that simply couldn't look after them anymore. And the lizards and snakes abandoned.
Ahh, I want a zoo.
There's a place I used to frequent in New Zealand called Staglands. Basically, a huge petting zoo. I would love to have something like that. Surrounded by animals? Giving needy animals a good home? Yes please!
At the moment, though, I'm still concerned with making this arts and crafts business work. Insert heavy sigh here. The problem is, every time we do one of these markets, we're lucky to break even on the cost of the market. And since we're so close to cost on each item, we're loosing money. But that doesn't stop people from being incredibly rude and insulting.
At the zoo yesterday, they had very simple, 3 inch dream catchers for sale for $17. I sell similar for $8. Handmade. I have the same size, but double dream catchers for $12. And then my other dream catchers, roughly twice the size, double, and it doesn't seem to matter what price I put on them, people want them for less. It's insulting.
That and the woman who insulted my sculpting ability. You think you can do better? Please show me.
Anyway, we're looking at putting more effort into the website and backing off some of these shows. (Honestly, the last one was $55 and we were lucky to make that much, the next one we were looking at is $200. I don't think so.) But that means that I need to learn how to list things, and update certain areas. Steve's going to try to teach me.
Again.
This is not the first time.
The trouble is that it's far beyond how I think, and Steve's not a great teacher. He gets things far too quickly, and after he understands it, he thinks about it even faster still. But he cannot slow his mind down enough to actually explain. My mind works much slower, which is one of the reasons I've always been a decent trainer. That, and I actually expect that people are not going to grasp the concept the first time. Steve figures once is as good as a hundred times.
So I downloaded the software he told me to. This is the message: Notepad++ v6.6.9 new feature and bug fixes:
1. Fix comment command bug that the comment symbols isn't set on the first column for Fortran.
2. Add python parson for function List.
3. Make icons' background colour transparent for functionList and projectManager.
4. New feature: Apply new file default settings on created new file (opened via command line).
5. Fix colour picker' chooser bug which does not work well.
Included plugins:
1. DSpellCheck v1.2.12
2. NppFTP 0.24.1
3. NppExport v0.2.8
4. Plugin Manager 1.0.8
5. Converter 3.0
6. Mime Tool 1.9
When you can't even read the the "welcome" message, you know it's going to be a battle.
This Friday was a trip to Pedernales Falls. It was gorgeous. But we've had a lot of rain this week, so all the trails have been washed away. We weren't the only ones struggling to find our way back to the car park. One of Steve's photos.
Gorgeous.
And then on Saturday we went to the Austin Zoo. I don't have photos because we forgot the camera.
Now, here's the thing. I grew up in San Diego. I don't remember a time that my family didn't belong to the San Diego Zoo. My first job out of high school was working retail at the San Diego Zoo. A yearly membership for the Austin Zoo is the same cost of a single visit to the San Diego Zoo. San Diego, it takes upwards of 10 hours to see everything. And even then, you're probably going to miss out on a bunch. Austin? We spent 2 hours there, saw everything, and it probably took us a bit longer because I was giving the goats a scratch.
Funny thing is, I kind of liked the smaller zoo.
All of the animals in Austin are rescues. They're not leading any research or breeding the next generation, they're giving animals who had a pretty crappy start to life somewhere comfortable to live. It was sad seeing some of them. The male lion rescued from a junkyard in Alabama who was neutered so never grew a mane. The black leopard who... I don't know, but he couldn't walk very well. The capuchin who lost it's tail somehow. The entire pack of wolf hybrids, and the ones rejected by the pack, because people think having a "wolf" would be cool. Not to mention all the parrots from people that simply couldn't look after them anymore. And the lizards and snakes abandoned.
Ahh, I want a zoo.
There's a place I used to frequent in New Zealand called Staglands. Basically, a huge petting zoo. I would love to have something like that. Surrounded by animals? Giving needy animals a good home? Yes please!
At the moment, though, I'm still concerned with making this arts and crafts business work. Insert heavy sigh here. The problem is, every time we do one of these markets, we're lucky to break even on the cost of the market. And since we're so close to cost on each item, we're loosing money. But that doesn't stop people from being incredibly rude and insulting.
At the zoo yesterday, they had very simple, 3 inch dream catchers for sale for $17. I sell similar for $8. Handmade. I have the same size, but double dream catchers for $12. And then my other dream catchers, roughly twice the size, double, and it doesn't seem to matter what price I put on them, people want them for less. It's insulting.
That and the woman who insulted my sculpting ability. You think you can do better? Please show me.
Anyway, we're looking at putting more effort into the website and backing off some of these shows. (Honestly, the last one was $55 and we were lucky to make that much, the next one we were looking at is $200. I don't think so.) But that means that I need to learn how to list things, and update certain areas. Steve's going to try to teach me.
Again.
This is not the first time.
The trouble is that it's far beyond how I think, and Steve's not a great teacher. He gets things far too quickly, and after he understands it, he thinks about it even faster still. But he cannot slow his mind down enough to actually explain. My mind works much slower, which is one of the reasons I've always been a decent trainer. That, and I actually expect that people are not going to grasp the concept the first time. Steve figures once is as good as a hundred times.
So I downloaded the software he told me to. This is the message: Notepad++ v6.6.9 new feature and bug fixes:
1. Fix comment command bug that the comment symbols isn't set on the first column for Fortran.
2. Add python parson for function List.
3. Make icons' background colour transparent for functionList and projectManager.
4. New feature: Apply new file default settings on created new file (opened via command line).
5. Fix colour picker' chooser bug which does not work well.
Included plugins:
1. DSpellCheck v1.2.12
2. NppFTP 0.24.1
3. NppExport v0.2.8
4. Plugin Manager 1.0.8
5. Converter 3.0
6. Mime Tool 1.9
When you can't even read the the "welcome" message, you know it's going to be a battle.
Monday, November 3, 2014
MIA
So, it's been a while since I posted. I've basically been going insane.
We had our second craft show over the weekend. We were planning to go back to Wimberley, but found a different show, closer to home, on the same day, so we did that one instead. With the same barely breaking even outcome.
We're seriously starting to question the sanity of this.
The problem is that it's really expensive to join these fairs. Wimberley is $75 a day! And people want what we make at below cost of making them, which would mean losing even more money than we're currently losing, which really defeats the whole purpose of a business.
Case in point: I make these double dream catchers that are pretty darned cool, if I do say so myself, and I've never seen any like them anywhere else. The cost to me of making them is around $20 for materials, plus the callouses and blisters that comes with doing crafts. These are one of a kind, hand made, unique pieces. Last month, there was lots of interest, but the $36 price tag put a lot of people off. So this time I tried it at $28, basically losing money after factoring in all the incidentals of craft marketing, and people still wanted them for less. In fact, one woman was a little insulting about it. So you know what? Next month, it's back up to $36.
If there is a next month.
I just don't know what to do. This is isn't working, just like everything else. The fates have apparently decided that I don't get to earn a living anymore. I'm so tired of the "you're not what we're looking for" response form letters from applying for jobs. I'm tired of spending money trying to make something work only to end up further in debt. I'm tired of rude people who are completely incapable of realizing that times are hard and I'm running out of options. I'm just tired.
I need something good to happen soon, but I don't think it will. Good things happen to other people. I just hope this wave of failure stops soon.
We had our second craft show over the weekend. We were planning to go back to Wimberley, but found a different show, closer to home, on the same day, so we did that one instead. With the same barely breaking even outcome.
We're seriously starting to question the sanity of this.
The problem is that it's really expensive to join these fairs. Wimberley is $75 a day! And people want what we make at below cost of making them, which would mean losing even more money than we're currently losing, which really defeats the whole purpose of a business.
Case in point: I make these double dream catchers that are pretty darned cool, if I do say so myself, and I've never seen any like them anywhere else. The cost to me of making them is around $20 for materials, plus the callouses and blisters that comes with doing crafts. These are one of a kind, hand made, unique pieces. Last month, there was lots of interest, but the $36 price tag put a lot of people off. So this time I tried it at $28, basically losing money after factoring in all the incidentals of craft marketing, and people still wanted them for less. In fact, one woman was a little insulting about it. So you know what? Next month, it's back up to $36.
If there is a next month.
I just don't know what to do. This is isn't working, just like everything else. The fates have apparently decided that I don't get to earn a living anymore. I'm so tired of the "you're not what we're looking for" response form letters from applying for jobs. I'm tired of spending money trying to make something work only to end up further in debt. I'm tired of rude people who are completely incapable of realizing that times are hard and I'm running out of options. I'm just tired.
I need something good to happen soon, but I don't think it will. Good things happen to other people. I just hope this wave of failure stops soon.
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